My Behavior Modification Plan

After weeks of ongoing bickering and fighting between BigGuy and Bird, I finally implemented a behavior change plan for them. (Having a degree in clinical psychology sometimes works to my advantage.)

Each week, as part of the process, along with keeping hands to themselves and saying kind words, BigGuy and Bird are required to memorize a Bible verse regarding their behavior. (This week’s is about obeying your parents. It is definitely my favorite!) By memorizing Truth, hopefully, BigGuy and Bird will learn that loving behavior is not just a requirement from their parents, but from God, too. I also know that you cannot take away thoughts and behaviors without finding a suitable replacement for them.

I guess God thought I needed a reminder in this area, too.

Yesterday, as I was reviewing the boys’ chart with them, I suddenly heard my conscience shouting loud and clear. It simply kept saying, “But what about your behavior, Kristen? What about the times that you react in anger to them and to Hubby?”

Ouch!

Sometimes conviction is very hard for me to hear. However, after the last few days, I knew I needed it.

Unfortunately, as a wife and a mother, I often find myself swimming in the midst of angry and hurt feelings. Children not obeying, schedules changing, too many things to do are just a few of the instigators. Rather than attempting to divert my irate response to these triggers, I instead rationalize that I deserve not only to feel angry, but also to act out that anger in sometimes damaging ways. Ways that do not benefit anyone.

This is the trap I found myself in yesterday when my conscience pierced my reality.

As I tried to figure out how to combat the anger I often find myself in, I looked at BigGuy and Bird’s behavior chart. I found a simple answer right on the page – Bible Verse Memorization.

This simple insight caused me to try own behavior modification plan.

This is the plan. Each time I feel anger brewing, I am going to try to count to ten before verbally responding to Hubby, BigGuy, or Bird. I also am memorizing a Bible verse each week which focuses on my target behavior. (I have them posted on a card by my kitchen sink.) When thinking my angry thoughts, I am going to learn to replace them with God’s truth. I am hoping that this helps me realize that responding in anger does not show love to those I love.

Here are my verses for the next two weeks.

“Do not be eager in your heart to be angry, for anger resides in the bosom of fools” (Ecclesiastes 7:9).

“[S]He who is slow to anger has great understanding, but [s]he who is quickly-tempered exalts folly” (Proverbs 14:29).

I truly believe that I may need more than two verses for this to sink in. I know that old behaviors die hard.

If you wouldn’t mind, I would love to hear any verses you may think would be helpful. Leave them in the comment section and I will add them to my card by the sink. You are welcome even to memorize them with me, if you like.

Comments

[Laura]

I don't have a verse right now, but whoa have I been feeling a lot of anger this week and have freely directed it at my family, when they didn't deserve it. Thank goodness for forgiveness again and again. Love ya

[Lori Pirnce]

A mother's plate is usually overflowing with 'things-to-do," and having Bible verses to whisper to yourself is the best way to deal with anger. Here's another one:
Psalm 37:8 Refrain from anger and turn from wrath;
do not fret-it leads only to evil."

Something else that I've done that works is to actually pray, Lord how can I bless my husband and family today? Show me ways to pour blessings over them. When I'm stressed and my plate is spilling over...He still will whisper little things that I can do to bless them. What an awesome God we have! Also, I've prayed to Him to help me become more organized in certain areas, so that I have more time to devote to certain things that I want to do. God is an organizer too! :)
Happy May Day!
Lori - AZ
Lori - AZ

[alicia]

the serenity prayer... works like a charm with my boys, if they hear me saying it, they know they need to back off. Usually, I just continue saying it until they do! Also, th behavior mod thing, you hit it on the head. It is so easy to find "fixes" for them, but usually it is my attitude that needs adjusting; especially how I choose to react to things. PMA- positvie mental attitude still riings clear, back from the good ol' days at Pom camp!! lol

[Mar]

"Be Still and know that I am God."

[Jill]

This is great advice! I have a book called Creative Correction by Lisa Whelchel that is full of wisdom about correcting with scripture...very helpful. I love reading your journal entries...amazing how many things in common we mothers sturggle with! Sincerely, Jill Bishop (Ron and Marla's niece from Joplin)