Learning to Receive

Thank you to everyone who wrote a kind word or email this past week. Your compassion and love meant so much to me during a time of difficulty.

However, I have to admit something.

Because of my tendency to believe I need to be the encourager, receiving encouragement made me feel guilty. I felt like I owed everyone an extra blog post, an extra word of support.

God stopped me in the midst of these thoughts; He showed me that I needed to learn something about receiving love.

If you are like me (and most women), I somehow believe that I need to always be ahead or at least equal to those around me. If a friend happens to buy me a soda/coffee while we are at the mall, I make sure to buy the next time. If a friend offers to watch my children for me, I invite hers over, twice! If a friend asks if she can do something for me, I promise I can handle it alone.

This past week, I have been guilty of doing this very thing, not only with emails and cards, but with much more. Rather than graciously receiving love in the form of restaurant gift cards, a meal from a friend, or offers of childsitting, I confidently attempted to convey that I did not need anything. Surely someone else needed help rather than me. After all, how could I ever repay them?

Yet after conveying the message that I didn't need anyone time and time again, God showed me that deep down my words were not true.

I did need a break from cooking. I did need someone else to care for the kids. I needed time to rest, rejuvenate, and grieve. These were gifts He was trying to give me through others. Blessings that were given with no strings attached, just sweet presents of love.

Yet, I mostly refused them or only accepted them with the promise of repayment.

So I had to ask, “Why do we, okay, why do I, struggle with receiving?”

Yesterday, I finally realized my answer.

I somehow have always believed that receiving makes me look weak or needy. I have always thought receiving makes me appear less than perfect, less than put together, less than others. Receiving makes me feel dependent on someone else other than myself.

Coming to this conclusion was a breakthrough for me. Unfortunately, realizing this answer brought up another question.

“If I struggle to receive gifts from loving, caring friends, what else am I struggling to accept freely?”

Ouch. Heavy question indeed!

I will tell you that answer on Wednesday.

In the meantime, what do you do when friends or loved ones offer you help? Have you always reacted this way?

Comments

[amc]

You had an intervention of the Holy Spirit. You don't know that you needed one until it happens. Being vulnerable is an intersting thing, when it is for the right reasons. So much good can come out of it! I have been thinking about you everyday! Enjoy the sweetness fo your friends. Love you!

[dl]

I remember when my Mom was ill and staying at my house. One of my friends called and said we are bringing you meals because we love you! She didn't ask if I wanted any meals, just that they were coming. What a blessing they were when I was trying work, take care of the hubby and children and also have various caregivers in my home for my Mom. Wow, talk about overwhelming but what a great lesson in love I received in the process. I still struggle with accepting help but that season in my life really helped me to take strides in the right direction. I am also now able to offer help much easier to others as a show of love and friendship instead of worrying about whether or not I will be 'intruding". God's blessings to you and your family.

[Mar]

Oh Kristen, thank you for showing your honestly & vulnerability. I have learned that those who offer to help are getting blessed too. All of us want to have purpose, so when we are on the receiving end, we are not only getting blessed but the person giving out of love is being blessed. It is a humbling experience. God is His wisdom, knows that life is a balance-giving & receiving. Praying for you & all the Myers family. Love you so much!!

[Stacey Doak]

When I was on bedrest for 3 months with my second daughter, my MOPS group pulled together. I, very much like you said I didn't need help.........when I truly did. Through counseling we discussed why that was. I just broke down into tears. It was like cutting off my right arm for me to ask anything of anyone especially one of that magnitude.
For one, for me it showed my weakness, and vulnerability that could not do something........I was raised you can do everything, why ask for help. I have to admit letting go does not come easy for me, but it did teach me so much more than I ever imagined. Not only had my MOPS group pulled together to do meal, child care 3X's a week, I had people that did not even know me or my family bringing dinners every other night for 3 months!
Talk about spoiled, do you know how hard it is to go back to cooking after all the wonderful meals we were blessed with.
People were so generous with meals. It was the whole meal and dessert too. I wrote thank yous to everyone that provided a meal and help, but I truly don't think they knew the full magnitude of what learning to received brought to me.
Not only did it teach to me to receive gracefully, but also taught me to give willing to others, not just the people we know! It is easy to give to people you know, but you grow so much more when you give to those you do not know! I will always feel a deep sense of gratitude to each and everyone who helped me through that difficult and stressful time. Being on bedrest, having a 2 year old and a husband working full time.........I had no choice but to ask. That experience grew me in a way like none other. I thank God for all the people that gave freely, willing, and joyfully, but I thank him most for the life lesson it taught me.
God Bless!
Stacey Doak